I have known about the existence of blogs for maybe 8 years now. I first heard about them from my brother, who is generally up on all things current, especially when the internet or technology is concerned. I’m grateful for the cool new stuff he shares with me, and thanks to him, I feel like I’m almost on the cutting edge. This is actually my third blog. I started one in high school and then another one when I studied abroad in Berlin for a semester in college. Unfortunately, both of those died out, and I think they have been lost in cyberspace. I began this blog shortly before getting married about 3 months ago, and this time I secretly wanted my blog to get big. I had heard about people like The Pioneer Woman, whose full time job is blogging! And she makes money off of it somehow (I assume). And she does give-aways all time. This, I hoped, could be a solution to all the traveling and all the not knowing what I wanted to do as a job/career. As I thought more about it and stuck my toes back into the blogging pool, I realized that these hopes were a bit far-fetched and I should just write my blog with the purpose of sharing about my life with family and friends. This took the pressure off and allowed me to just use one of the standard WordPress blog formats instead of making my own website, which I haven’t least idea about how to do, because if your blog is anything big, it has its own url and web design, not the free WordPress one!
Recently, I’ve been exploring more blogs, and have been surprised and a little intimidated by the immensity and complexity of the blogging community. I started at the blog of someone I know: Emily. From her blog, I found out that her sister has a blog about nesting, which of course is a new found interest of mine. So now I check both of their blogs on a semi-regular basis. And they are always linking to other blogs (which, ironically, I’m doing a lot of in this post), inviting their guests to join twitter parties to get cool prizes, posting beautiful photos, and getting hundreds of comments on each post.
I’m not complaining. I understand that they put way more work into their blogs and have years of experience and networking contacts. And I don’t think I’m jealous of their blog success. I think I’m jealous that they are working on something, creating something, expressing themselves in a difference-making and profit-earning (I’m not entirely sure, but they’re working on books too, so there you go, that’s a slight profit-earning activity) sort of way. And I am still wondering what that thing is for me.
I get very easily discouraged about this.
I begin to feel that I don’t have any great skills at all. I panic that I’ll never find a job, never find a place in which to do things I love and shape things for the better. And then I wonder why I want to do something so badly that so many people wish they didn’t have to do. I don’t want to rush to find any old job. I want to instead trust the Lord, that he does have something for me. That he chose to endow me with all these non-tangible, seemingly directionless, wanting-to-work-with-people skills for some specific purposes. I want to trust that the Lord has ordained these days I am sitting here trying to figure out what to do and where to go. I want to trust that the Lord knew what these days would hold, and what my life will hold before I was even born (Psalm 139:16). So instead of panicking, I will rest. And instead of getting discouraged, I will be strong and courageous, trusting that the Lord will provide.
Your prayers for this are always appreciated. I’m definitely not strong enough to do this on my own.